The Grand Advice Post

So, to carry the torch, so to speak, it is now my turn to make an SYA advice post à la Melanie. I’m leaving this in my drafts and I’m going to add pieces of advice as I think of them so don’t be surprised at its enormity whenever I decide to publish. (Also the formatting on this post is terrible and I can’t seem to fix it. Sorry!)

1. Talk to other SYAers. It may seem obvious, but really. No one in this group of maniacs is going to judge you for anything, and on the extremely off chance that they do, that’s their problem and not yours.
2. Related: When you walk into that ballroom in Boston or New York, you may not realize it then, but these people will become your best friends, even the ones you kind of hate at the beginning. Even the ones you really hate at the beginning.
3. Related: Make peace with other people in SYA. Don’t look at anyone down your nose. Judge people based on their human decency and not their political views or Saturday night extracurriculars.
4. You’re allowed to barricade yourself in your room and lip sync to the Arctic Monkeys while performing embarrassing dancing moves. It’s okay. Really.
5. To quote Pascal, “Fear does not help you avoid the danger.”
6. To quote JP, “The subject of art is not art; it’s us.”
7. Get enough sleep. Really.
8. Buy yourself a fountain pen on the first weekend, feel instantly fancy.
9. The Librarie Fallier is best for contemporary lit, YA, and poetry. The Forum du Livre is better for scholarly stuff, classics, (dare I say it) English books, and school supplies.
10. I have just handed you a weapon. Don’t misuse it. Read French books in French, but start with your favorites in translation. You know them better and won’t have to pick up a dictionary every other word. Make reading in French enjoyable, not a chore.
11. Do not start studying for Marie-Anne’s recitations the day before they are due.
12. If you have to buy something like shampoo, deodorant, etc., check the Carrefour next door before you go to the pharmacy. It’s far cheaper.
13. Deciding whether or not to blend in is your choice. I never bought a Longchamp bag and I am not ashamed of that fact.
14. If you’re going to stay fit in France, do it to stay healthy. If you do it for your weight, you’ll drive yourself crazy.
15. Saying too much to your classmates on Facebook is better than saying too little. You may think you’re annoying that person but in reality they’re probably hovering over their phone holding their breath until you message back. Also, that person may be one of your best friends in six months. No one walks into that room in Boston/NYC thinking “Oh my god, there’s that annoying kid that kept messaging me on Facebook, gross, not going to talk to them.”
16. Switch up your roomies on every trip. There is no greater bond than the roomie bond and you will want to share that with as many people as possible.Items 17-20 are addressed to my fellow introverts. 
17. Don’t think that being an introvert precludes going to SYA. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy your alone time, of which you can normally have plenty.
18. Related: being scared of people is doing yourself a disservice. It’s okay to like being alone—I went to plenty of movies, art galleries, and bookstores by myself—but as soon as you realize that you’re lonely, something needs to change.
19. When requesting your host family do not try to push yourself. While having a nine-person family may seem great on paper, as soon as you’re there your life may become an introvert’s living hell, a choice between holing yourself up because you’re scared or facing a throng of people who never stop talking long enough for you to get a word in edgewise. Know your limits, and put them down on the request form. While you will definitely change, forcibly changing your own nature by osmosis is a bad idea.
20. Related: don’t let other people change you either. Some host families may have a different idea of what is “normal,” especially in terms of the introversion-extraversion axis. Liking your alone time is not bad. Don’t let people tell you that it is.
21. Here’s a secret: fear of judgement is reciprocal. If you’re looking at someone thinking “What does s/he think of me?”, chances are that they’re going through the same thing. Put yourself out there: it’s scary, but worth it. Bite the bullet. Talk to people.
22. One €20 umbrella lasts longer than 4 €5 umbrellas.
23. If you play music, keep it up in France. It’s great for stress and unless you’re part of an orchestra there, it’s completely no-stakes. Most of you will have been in more competitive environments, but just for the year, enjoy the music for the music. http://www.shazammusic.com/ has great pop sheet music. Have fun with it.
24. Use the French grid paper. If you’re emotionally attached to lined paper you’ll waste a lot of time and money looking for it.
25. Install Hola on your computer for those low moments when you really just need to watch an episode of American television on Netflix. Don’t abuse your new power.
26. Most host families are now required to have internet. Don’t sweat that at all.
27. Get your host parents flowers from the Marché des Lices every few weeks.
28. Ladies: buy your tampons from the Carrefour near the school. They’re expensive, but it’s better than wasting suitcase space on a nine-month supply or even worse, opening up that exciting-looking package that’s addressed to you because you never get a package and I wonder what’s in it and—oh.
29. Ship your books back by boat. The amount of money and hassle that I saved by doing so is probably inestimable.
30. Phone plans vary. I heard from Tara that it’s much better to ask your host family to set up a monthly plan and pay them back, which I would recommend because I spent way more than I would have liked to on credit. I did replace the sim card in my iPhone (which Verizon unlocked for me and AT&T will patently refuse to do), which I would recommend because I didn’t have to lug around or keep track of two phones.
31. Don’t waste time regretting or thinking too much about things that happened before SYA. When you’re back, your life will take on two distinct phases: before and after. You may think you were awful person or an awful friend before, but all that matters now is during, and after. To misquote Dumbledore, “It does not do to dwell on the past and forget to live.”
32. When you return, you’ll spend a while texting your SYA friends and whining about baguettes and your home state and how dumb your siblings are and senior year. It’s okay, because your SYA friends are the only ones that will care about that skateboarder at Place Hoche or that one panhandler or that time in Strasbourg when. Hold onto them and never let them go.
33. It’s okay if your home friends seem strangely irrelevant when you get back. You might seem irrelevant to them, too, for a while. See item 32.
34. The word “excité” has one meaning and one meaning only and it’s not the meaning you mean. It should be number one on your list of “words to avoid”.
35. Some people make the conscious choice to devote more time to their host family relationship and their friends than they do to academics, and this is totally fine. Colleges will care far more about the fact that you went to France and the kick-a** essay that you’ll write about it than the fact that you got straight B-minuses or whatever.
36. On the other hand, trying to maintain your average (whatever it is), is fine as well. It is a personal choice, and one you should never let anyone else make for you.
37. Don’t let anyone make your choices or form your opinions for you. You are an autonomous, thinking, human being and to settle for anything less than your full individual potential is a cop-out. Or, to quote Oscar Wilde, who put it more eloquently, “to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul…His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else’s music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him.”
38. This doesn’t meant that you shouldn’t listen to other peoples’ opinions and points of view.
39. If it’s your thing, read a lot in France. I did, and I’m glad for it.
40. Overcome your fears. Sure, you may be afraid of dumb little things (I’ve got a thing against snakes; Rachel’s got her own bone to pick with cats), but I’m talking about the big things. I’m talking about speaking your mind, losing friends, honesty, public speaking, judgment, and certain teachers. I could go on. Fear of abstract ideas, and possibilities is useless.
41. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the Big Questions when you’re abroad, and don’t be afraid to do it alone.
42. Pay attention in JP’s class. He has a lot to say about life.
43. Take a lot of video and a lot of pictures, even if it’s just with your phone.
44. Don’t make them all selfies.
45. Keep a journal and write in it regularly, especially if you don’t keep a blog, but even if you do. There will be things for your eyes only that you’ll want to remember. I never wrote as much as I wanted to.
46. Life hack: there’s a red ethernet cable in the downstairs computer room for days when the school WiFi is being particularly uncooperative.
47. Never, ever, give up. Some people are more predisposed to depression than others, but that doesn’t mean that it’s inevitable or that you can’t escape from it. Find your confidantes in SYA, and trust them. And if things are seriously not okay, seeking out help is one of those things on the list of stuff not to be afraid of. It’s not about the people you might bother with your problems, it’s about you. Pointless selfishness is bad, but there will be times in your life when you have to put yourself first. This is one of them.
48. You are more than a number, in a great multitude of ways.
49. A French penny is called a “centime”.
50. Admit it when you’re wrong and apologize when you’re in the wrong. There are few things harder in this world, and few things that you will regret more if you fail to do them.

And whew, that’s done. You guys should be getting your class roster soon; brace yourselves, it’s the beginning. You’ll be caught in this huge whirlwind of classmates, host families, packing, travel arrangements, visas (the visa WILL HAVE YOUR FACE ON IT otherwise something is seriously wrong take it from someone who knows), and goodbyes. Don’t take the goodbyes too seriously, you’re up for much worse in 9 months. If you find the time to email an SYA alum, do it, and if you don’t, don’t sweat it. This is your year abroad. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how to live it.